thought processing

Still
Standing
Like a pile of boxes already emptied.
Hardly a trace of what was
Is
Echo empty inside four walls
Membrane
Corrugated thoughts
Each separate although overlapping
Cohabitation within a memory
A piece of what was
Is
Spinning, opening
Holding breathing smiling closing
Crumpling
Pile up, fall down
Overturn. Empty. Discard.
What was
Is
Evacuated now.
Still.
Waiting.
Collapse overturn open smiling
New inventory new space
Filling emptying replacing fading
Rejuvenate remember
What was and is
Is
And was.
Again but different
New data old process
Thought box open close insert delete
Empty collapse discard
Separate every line. Every layer.
70% recycled
30% new
memory... thought.
What wasn’t before
Now
Is

The Creation

Introduction

---------------

All this time searching for my destiny. All these delusions about my importance. All of this ego I’ve shed and regenerated. All this and I have known it all along. Years I spend trying to deny my purpose. I am not sure why I see it now, I guess I have seen it before. Will I loose sight once again? I am not sure. This text isn’t about Art it is about people and their need to create. It is about ones obsession with power. Not just sadistic behavior but the masochistic approach to art. It is about the nature of life.

::Prophecy::

I once had a dream I was being sought out by several artists, ones I knew. I was important to their cause and they needed me to reach the rest of the world. Then the group morphed to friends of past and it became haunting. All the wrong things I have done and regrets I have with souls I have lost. Particularly a friend I had since when I was in pre-school. He was my real first experience with watching someone get lost first hand. I have seen people lost before but watching the process is something a lot different. The reason is because you are present and all the time you watch someone spiral downward you can not help but to feel as if you are the cause. In this dream he was the focus because he was the first experience of evil in its purest form. I have read that when you dream about talking to friends it is because they are going through rough times presently. In this case I am sure it is true. It is truth because I have not witnessed one person not going through rough times presently. The world is in discord. I had to escape this misery so I flew away. Usually when I fly in dreams I have trouble controlling my flight but this time I was strong and sure footed. I flew by my hometown and I come to a castle. The castle was reminiscent of a game. Chess in particular, the stones beneath me dictating my path. As I climbed the stone staircase I was approached by royal figure. It was there to attack me but I was too strong and defeated it with the energy inside me. Then I was approached by a two headed figure. I tried to defeat it the same way but this time it was different. It took more effort and within the struggle it approached closer. It was slain but the enemy would just continue to come. I turn to look behind me and my parents are there. I go to them and they are demanding I tell them why there is this focus on me in society. Telling me there has been talk about me and this document I have been hiding. There in their hands was the document. Something that I was endowed with since birth. Something that held the secrets to opening the gates of hell. I could not tell anyone of my secret. To let anyone know about the power that the document contained could be the end of existence. My parents took me home and I was sent to my room. I passed my sisters room on the way and witnessed my sister fighting with my father physically. She was being restrained to go to sleep but was too powerful. I looked at her and I saw the demon within her as she overpowered my father and started to erotically rub herself on him while staring at me. She saw into my eyes and knew that I was holding what she was looking for. I ran to my room to hide the document. I put it in a half open drawer as my sister, now totally transformed into a demon ran after me. We struggled and I was able to gain control and then I woke up. This dream is something I have been dealing with my whole life. This feeling that I have the power to change the world and its succeptability to being corrupted by evil. People tell me I am lucky. People say these things because it appears as if I know what I am doing. Sometimes I am confident that this is true and other times I am completely lost like the rest. The questions I repeat to myself never change. Is it true that I am on the right path or have I been misled? Have I misled myself to accept coincidences as prophecy to something that does not exist, or to something that will result in pain and suffering? Have I allowed myself to be misled because in essence I am evil myself. It is when I am questioning myself that I do not feel lucky. And then when I do feel lucky I feel as if I must have done something wrong to attain what I have and others do not. How does God feel with his infinite power?

::Gemini Genesis::

God was an artist. His main creation was the duality of nature. Good and Evil are Gods masterpiece. God said let there be light but let there be darkness was also implied. Or perhaps God did not know what he was doing when he tried to exert his power to create existence. Perhaps it was a mistake to believe that he could control his creation. Perhaps when God created light he created all that which we associate with evil. Maybe God said, let there be warmth and growth and goodness and didn’t see the implications of his artwork. If I was to paint a picture of the sun I wouldn’t think of the darkness that lies beneath it. I would paint a beautiful sunrise on a ocean's horizon. Actually I have done this before. I almost didn't have a choice of another way to paint my vision of the sun. I don't feel as if it is my vision at all but it is the collected vision of beauty. All that we see as right in this world. Anyone who has witnessed a sunrise can certainly identify with the power in which it possesses. The writers of the bible certainly felt this power the way I see it. The second day was the creation of water and sky. What is light if there is nothing to reflect its radiance? What is a reflection if there is nothing to project it into? And so God continued to create. What is a reflection without something that absorbs the light. What is absorption without growth? So God made land and vegetation and then time. God created a future and a past and meant for everyday to be treated as a gift. But what is a gift if there is no one to receive it. God created life. On the seventh day God rested. He left us to deal with the darkness in the world and within ourselves. A long time ago I realized that without these things life just isn’t the same. Perhaps God’s plan was to give us everything and let us decide what true beauty really is. God wanted to paint a picture so he created existence to be his canvas. God may have left us on that seventh day but he gave us a back up plan. He gave us the power to destroy it all. I was born a fortunate person. My family had everything it needed to survive. In fact we had more than what we needed. My family learned the values of excess. When you have everything, you tend to take for granted what you have. My family had their vented heat and big screen TVs, but did we see that the best thing we ever could have was each other? Modern society is severely uneducated. Maybe we can add subtract and multiply but we don’t even know how to love. We have learned to love material things. "I could be loved if i had a new car." "If he buys me that diamond I will know he loves me." "Mommy and Daddy don’t love me enough to buy me that video game." I know it sounds horrible but the truth is that this is what the average person thinks in modern society.

::God’s song::

God created much in between the physical world. Of this is love and fear. God gave us power but he also gave us weights on our feet to hold us to all that we hold dear. If nothing else fear is the most important learning tool that exists. It teaches you many things like how to keep yourself safe. More importantly fear teaches you how to love. I don’t mean that by being fearful all day you will learn how to truly love something. On the contrary however learning how to suppress your fear teaches you to love things unconditionally. Many people get stuck fearing to lose the things they love. However this is not true love. This is selfish. If you truly love something you should be willing to accept that you cannot control it. Is love something you lock up so that it cannot escape? When I was younger I felt that I was trapped. Held within my body unable to reach beyond what was given to me. What I came to realize is that I wasn’t a prisoner I was just too scared to open my eyes to find the door. Even more than that I was too scared to even move to look for a way out. So I was trapped but I was the one keeping myself contained. Away from all that can hurt me, away from success, away from failure, away from love. I was afraid that I couldn’t handle these things so I just keep my distance from them and I was safe. But the truth is that I was more of a danger to myself than the outside world ever could be. I had to learn to believe that I was strong enough to deal with anything and that at times you can be vulnerable in good ways. Fear creates vulnerability. Love accepts it. Trust is something so complicated it is hard to see whether or not it exists in reality. It doesn’t seem in our human nature to trust anything you can not control. Love and trust is so closely associated it is hard to distinguish between them. It is a common saying that to love you must love yourself. In the same way to trust you must trust yourself. You can love and trust certain aspects of things but to love and trust completely you must loose all the insecurities about yourself that you have. This process is the most beautiful and ugly thing that exists. A great piece of music should contain both beauty and ugliness. God as the greatest creator knew that you can not create something that contains only beauty because it just wouldn’t appear to be real. Therefore you loose your trust in such things. God not only showed us that he can be beautiful but that he could be the angry, vengeful, hypocritical and evil. In this way I had to show myself that I was all these things. I had to stop ignoring the facts and accept that I was all these things. Some people think this is all they are and reversely they have to see the facts that they are all the beautiful things also. For me it was more of a combination of the two, as I think it is probably is for most people. I always wonder how it is I wound up so disconnected. There is no simple answer to this. The reason is because it is an accumulation of events and traumatic experiences. I keep trying to attach all my problems to one specific occurance but everytime I do that I just wind up blaming someone or something for damaging me. This starts a whole process that winds back in me hating myself. I guess it is the so called problems� I have. I need money. I need love. I need health. What I really need to do is realize I am loved. I have health. And money is not necessarily a necessity but a symbol of wealth and when you have love and health I would say you are pretty full of wealth. If you give your love and offer your health to others then you will receive more wealth. Maybe at times it may seem like the only reward is to feel good about yourself giving and helping which is of great value in of itself, but the chain of affects after the action of giving or helping becomes more real to you the more it becomes part of your character. When you accept that you are a giving, helping, loving healthy person you will see that you are thriving in a world full of life and energy. You are flourishing in nature in all its beauty created and consisting of God. You may feel as if you are not so much progressing as you are disintegrating. But if you exist you are progressing. One bit of life in you can multiply depending on what your life force creates. Disintegration is just changing form. By physical law nothing can be created or destroyed. What this really means is that everything exists in life but we just have to figure out how to change its form to make it real. Untapped potential is due to blindness of perception, Art is about bringing things out of darkness into perception. Creating new possibilities by inspiring others. Art has such a strong affect the artist can show no one his work of art and the affect of it to the artist would inspire him and his inspiration inspires others around him. Perhaps it is not as effective as if the artist showed people but if the artist is what the painting projects then it is a part of the artist. The creation having a relationship with its owner in that the work was born from the artist. Creation and Inspiration are God’s ultimate gift. God made us in his likeness. God made us part of himself. Having the power to create and to be inspired the same way he is.

::Message::

We should be very thankful for God’s wonderful creations, such as love. The most powerful and beautiful creation of God and ourselves. When we create love, its power resonates throughout the universe. God’s beautiful song lifts hearts. God’s song is not written in musical theory but it is whispered in the wind, amplified by the light, and beating within ourselves. Your actions can sing the song of love.